I haven't been this sober since birth.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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