Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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