I wish life had little blips of pornography
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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