I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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