I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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