all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
