covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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