therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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