he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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