Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
