I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
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