Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm at about main and main street
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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