did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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