Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Everyone says I win the strip club
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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