I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
