I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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