First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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