I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
vagina is talking i cant
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
