Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
