My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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