I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
