you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize