Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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