Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
