ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
