I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
