I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
