Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
