Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
