people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
