Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My first STD was from a foam party
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
