hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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