my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
