I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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