hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
