Do you still have your period?
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
