Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
