I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
