Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
