That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
