I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
