the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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