Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
