So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize