she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
