is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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