I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
