alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
