I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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