i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
