I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
