I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize