Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
