Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
