somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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