Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
