I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
