She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
