I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
