East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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