woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
