I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
