Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
