Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
