She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
