i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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