So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
