I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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