Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I could fuck to npr.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize