Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
